I honestly envy writers. I suppose they are (some of them) born with an inclination to express themselves in the written word. And the struggle to express myself is probably a symptom of not fully knowing what it is that I want to say.
I wish I could share more of myself here. But for some reason, I can't.
I catch myself holding my breath a lot lately. I think that alone speaks volumes.
It seems like all of my friends (off-line) are overwhelmed. It makes me wonder if we're doing something wrong. I know it's understandable to feel that way on occasion, but regularly? I have to believe there's a better way to live.
Lately, my social interactions are with people two generations ahead of me. We eat rolls and drink coffee. And I try to convince them that film is where it's at. They laugh at me and scoff at the idea. I've also noticed that I don't feel a part of anything lately. I'm neither here nor there. But I'm showing up. And I'm grateful for this place. This semi-comfort with myself. It's not fully developed, but it's coming along.
We had a local festival this weekend, and I managed to lug my "new" Polaroid 450 Land Camera along to test it out. I decided to approach the most interesting looking people I could find, and they were all very friendly and approachable. I've noticed that it's becoming easier to approach people, and I'm more confident that they'll say yes to me. But I've also noticed that my skills are lacking. I get a bit nervous after they say yes, and I don't take the time to consider that the light may be directly in their eyes (see above). Oh well.
I've also noticed that people are very eager to discuss the Polaroid camera itself, and they seem less leery of having their photo made with an old camera versus a new digital DSLR or iPhone. Interesting.
Folks beyond a certain age tend to recognize my older cameras, and I suppose it brings to mind good memories, which instantly breaks down a barrier.
I felt happy when I left the festival. I had connected with several people I'd never met before, seen my kids play hard, and I'd exhausted that nagging urge to take photos. I hope you had a good weekend, too.
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